So we gaijin are ignorant, in the sense that we just do not know Japanese culture. Cant argue with that by any means; however, older Japanese people, much like old Americans, believe that all foreigners are idiots. Im being ultra repetitive so to easily put it, its a great time to encourage people to step out of their role of normalcy and carry a random conversation with a random person in a random setting at a random time.
Anyways, everyone is a big fan of toilets here. All toilet seats are heated. ALL. Even in public restrooms(Even when youre on the train, the train seats are heated. Even when youre at an amusement park sitting on a bench, the seat is heated. It is incredible.). They also feature a plethora of strange buttons. For instance, at my in-laws, there is a key pad with 4 buttons with tiny pictoral demonstrations. It shows one spraying the front privates, two demonstrating rear end sprays. The rear end sprayer demonstrations only differ in the volume of water that is sprayed. And the last button is a tiny block. Each button has descriptions written in Japanese and is the focal point of the button.
On my second day in Japan, after a huge meal, it was time to use the bathroom. The bathroom is extremely tiny. My knees touch the door when sitting, and I cannot completely stand. The toilets are also very low to the ground. To lower myself, I received assistance from the walls using my hands. I hit the key pad without realizing. So as I sit, this noise like a copy machine starts, and Im bum blasted with what feels like pee. Its a very warm, soft, jet stream of pee with intense accuracy. It scared the shit out of me(no pun intended). I freak out, of course, and am frantically trying to find a way to get this thing to turn off. I dont read Japanese, so I start pushing buttons. I pushed the button showing the strong booty spray. All of a sudden the current booty spray thats on going turns into a massage spray with pulsations and rotations and its taking on new angles, really coming from every direction imaginable. I hit the button again and it turned back to the regular pee. I wiped the sweat off my forehead in anticipation of what was going to come when I hit the next button. I touched the weaker stream picture button and it stopped. WHEW.
Then it started back with the rotations and angles and jet blasts and pulsations and weirdness.
DAMNIT.
I really didnt want to touch the one that showed the front spray. I REALLY didnt want to touch that one, so I touched the block.
And it stopped.. Its a stop button that looks like a period. At this point, Im absolutely mortified, highly embarrassed, in tears, and am laughing at madness that ensued. I really want to tell someone why I look like I received an enema, but at the same time I dont want to talk about it. Theres only one thing to do...
PARTY
The door way is is lower than my ears. I smash my head on everything everywhere.
My demonstrating the smash my way through exit.
This is a cook your own dinner kind of place. The food was fantastic, the drinks were better.
Fresh squeezed grapefruit juice soda and sho-chu is to die for.
I saw this guys shoes and had to run after him to get a photo. I know he thought I was nuts and hated my guts, but its ok, I only wanted the photo. Thanks for helping me with this one Asami. Im pretty sure the guy really really really wanted to karate chop my carotid.
Oh Tokyo...
Everywhere - Big buildings, tons of people. Big Big Big builds. Tons Tons Tons of people.
I was scared shitless.
No comments:
Post a Comment